I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
