he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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