Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
