I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
