the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
