I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
