I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
