WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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