Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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