It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
