capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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