i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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