You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
