Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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