And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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