so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dignity is for republicans.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
