dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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