oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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