i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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