Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
