Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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