It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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