i just wanna soil my oats bro
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
