why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
