a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
