jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
