**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's always time for handjobs
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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