Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
