Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
