that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How external is "for external use only"?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
