i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
