I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
