Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
