i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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