Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
