This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
