I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
