You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
