Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
