me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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