just tell him i said nine months
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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