don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
