Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
