He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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