Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
