I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
