She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
