Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
