What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
