He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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