So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im holly from the hills drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
