I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
