I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
