i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
