its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
