8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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