There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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