you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
