Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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