i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
