so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
