I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
