Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
