I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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