I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
