I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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