dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
