New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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