Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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