I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
