Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we still banned from the library?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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